Tuesday, December 08, 2009

she's leaving me soon @ Tuesday, December 08, 2009

being sad because someone doesnt even get my message trying to say. she asked me, whats wrong? why so emo? but she keep smiling at me. i dont know. each time i said this, she going to leave me, my tears are coming down. sobs sobs.

why you're so emo? she just going there around half year maybe.
dunno, maybe because im too dependent on her in everything. she's the only person who knows my stuff like every single thing and not my family members, other than my mom, she's the closest person with me. she's the one teaches me everything, from makeup, wearings, clubbing, love, friendships and more. sobs sobs. yea, she is. but she's leaving me real soon. i cant believe this, i couldnt imagine the days without he r. i might doing wrong decisions, i might banging the walls without noticing.

a person that i will miss the most, she will be the one.
i wish the time can stop now. at least she's not leaving me.

Monday, December 07, 2009

friend? bestie? all is just a lie. @ Monday, December 07, 2009

im so frusfrated.. how could i have such a friend?? summore she's my besties.
god, i dont know what i should think about her. all i can feel is she more enjoying outing with her new bunch of friends than us. sorry for the jealousy, but hey, if i did that to you, will you be happy? you going to US soon, and yet, you didnt even spend time with us, dont say im working, or something, is you, you not even want to spend some time with us. is not once or twice, it happen soooooooooo often.
not only me feeling that, just ask someone else.
you like to do what ever you like, and i dont even want to bother. but saying im your bestie and treat me in another way is not showing at all lo. i dont know what else i could say. im just being sooooo piss off with you and your selfishness. you want to go US with your friends out of sudden,
you want to go out with your friends and ignore our yumcha sessions, bah.. everything!!!
look at it, look at yourself, look at others, is this the way you should treat your friend? i mean close friends. if you really think that they are more important than us, just go with them. i had enough.

p/s ppl have wings, can fly ad. dont need ppl like us. poor, always need to work and have no fun.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

meteor rain @ Wednesday, November 18, 2009

meteor rain...........
i want to watch weiiiiii!!
today, unable to watch, haih.. what a waste.
the place we went, puchong hill. the sky are cloudy and the lights are sooooooooo bright. aiks
how to watch jek.

then another bunch went to sepang nearby, watch also. dunno how was it le.
hmmmm..
never mind.
i should ask my uncle. since he know this stuff.. mUAHAHA. plus. it is until 25th of november, i dont believe i couldnt watch it. HMPH!! =p

Sunday, November 15, 2009

simone want to be tough @ Sunday, November 15, 2009

another emo feeling i had. gosh, i dont know what i should do.
i miss him. i do. i hate him. i dont. i know i deserve better. but, i couldnt think anything else.
online, fb-ing, felt so meaningless in this holiday. what i need the most? i dont know

im confuse with what i want. they said, makes priority on studies and work. well, im having holiday, so i could only focus on work. my work, nothing to do. online also dunno find who to chat with. is like very de lonely. very meaningless. is not i want to get sympathy. i just dont know what i should do. i think alot i know. but i dont know what else i can do to make myself stop thinking. watching family outing making me laugh like nobody business.

can i write down hows my feelings?
i miss you, i miss my happy moments with you. i miss what ever you make me laugh. i miss the moment you being bully by me. i miss the moment you pampering me like im the princess. i miss the moment you with me sitting on couch and watching movie. i miss the moment we walking at pyramid. i miss the moment you told your friends im that important. i miss everything that you done to me. i miss it so much.

but why?? why you do this to me? you sure you have no feelings on me? you sure you doing the right choice? i keep on asking, did i do something wrong that you dont like me anymore? is it something had been bothering you? all you told me is my problem, is my problem, you did nothing wrong. all im thinking is that, you said you have no feelings on me. all im thinking is that you said to them, from this onwards you can join them ad. is hard to accept a feeling that fade this fast. is it my wrong to believing in you? is it my wrong for me to accept your feeling last time? is it my wrong to being fast accepts you? why guys always being this way? are you immature?
yes, you are. i been saying this repeatly. i told you from the moment i start knowing you. i dont want to play around. i will be serious in this relationship. all the promises you made. had gone. is quite unfair for me to see others can live happily ever after, but why not me? why cant i just get someone who cherish me? why cant i get someone that will not hurting me?

maybe you laughing because im being not tough enough. a simple call from you ad make me unstable. just a simple call from you i will think alot. being friends back with you is it good or bad? picking your calls will be good or bad? will you call again? i dont know. i really dont know, although i hope things can change back to normal, but, i also afraid you might do this to me again. so i really dont know what i should do.

friends, said, simone, you did the right thing. you're on the right track. you deserve better but, in the mean time, im not as tough as people show me. i know they said, i shouldnt push myself to hard. i dont know. if i dont push myself, i dont know what else i can do.
at night cant sleep, cause i scare once i close my eyes, i will think of you.
eating that time, i cant eat well, cause i think, you might hate me because im fat.
dunno. i dont know, my thinking is not right,
i want my happy go lucky feelings back, i hope i dont care about you anymore.
i hope god can lead me the right path, i hope everything gonna be alright to me.
i hope alot. i wish alot, and all my wishes is that, i will be better off without you.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

after exams @ Saturday, November 14, 2009

life sucks without people that you used to love and being rejected from a person due to his problem. well, this is not a time to cry. is time to step up and move on. is quite funny that my life had change so fast. thanks to someone. because of you, i appreciate much more on friends and family. not just that, i never notice that im this tough. of course currently im abit out of direction, not feeling working (not that hard working ), not feeling like spending ( spends on clubs and foods ), and many more. maybe i turn to someone who is more appreciate money, but not hardworking, not motivated at all. dunno why. maybe i just missing too much towards my friends and enjoyments with my friends.

today went to velvet. but im abit bored with it. dont know why. but well, at least i get some nice picture. LOL!! go look @ FB.
other than that, i cant wait for ting finish exam and starts out parties.

Friday, November 06, 2009

to gary @ Friday, November 06, 2009

another night that we have arguement.
gosh, this is really not good. i dont know what to say.

i've been thinking alot, like i told you. thinking till i really reach my emotional limit. how many times i have to cry for this, how many times i have to keep this from you? answer: today is the day.

i had enough. the meaning i said had enough is not asking for breakup or what. i just want some changes. and i want you to talk to me, so we could change the relationship better.

as old people said, relationship cannot goes in one side, relationships need communication, relationship need both side to work hard and cherish each other. as i mentioning to you, i dont feel like you are caring me. you said, you're thinking too much, if not, you will said, you always said i dont care you de la. you know what is the meaning of caring?

caring is a way to show your love. a little phone call or sms shows your concern towards someone. sometimes, giving a surprise also consider as it. what i wants from you? your attention, your care, your love and your time. since last time breakup and be back together how long is had been? around 3 weeks more or less. how many times we've been meet up? 3 times include the day we be back together. how many hours we spent time together? around 5 hours? can you see this? can you understands me? i've been missing you day by day, i've been craving for your calls and sms. what i get?
your calls, on your exam period. it sill ok. sms, none. dont have to.
on your project paper period. reduced till.......... maybe one or two calls?sms, not much maybe 2 or 3
till your project paper finished. you said you're tired, so we meet up for 30 minits. OK, thats fine with me.
but after that, your lecturer ban your project paper and your HRM result might not good enough. so, this is the way you should treat your gf? being cold.

i know i promised you not to think so much, but the way you act, is not like i could be say, nothing went wrong. dont worry.

i try to control my temper and try not to merajuk, but, i guess is not enough isnt it
what else should i do? not to call you, sms you, give you freedom i suppose?
is this what you want from me?

like yesterday, i cried, you have no reaction.
even i cried second time on my bed, you said "you're not sleeping meh?"
like you even care about me.
if you care about me, you will try to make something happy for me.
if you care about me, open up yourself to me
if you care about me, you should really just focus on me, at least one day.
most of the time, you're busy with your stuff, most of the time you looking for me for sure you have something you need to do. most of the time you want to sacrifice me, most of the time you never even bother how i feel, like now, sleeping like a pig after i send you a long message.

last time you wont become like this, you will sacrifice others, you will be worried bout me. i guess, you just dont want me. im sorry to say this, i trying to sit at your side and think your benefits. but, i cant accept a bf who doesnt even care about me.

even that day, you said you gonna sms me later, i smsed you, never reply. fine
i called you, the operator start singing, fine
called you dunno how many times, still cannot connect
been worry bout you, is it the phone lost ad? sleep or no battery??
i also dunno, so keep calling. want to call, but scare you think im very fan.
so, not to call, but im afraid something bad is happen to you. so i called again. waited for you for the whole night, even 8 something i havent sleep. trying to sleep and not thinking so much, sleep and awake for dunno how many times, around 10 something called again. no one pick, sms also cannot. till the last miss call, you called me and said sorry, i yesterday dont have mood so, i just straight away go home and sleep. my phone no battery ad. sorry dear.

no matter how no mood i am, no matter how tired i am, i will try to let you know i want your concern. but sorry, i guess im the one who wants to make the relationship work it out, isnt it?

exam period, BULL SHIT! stupid excuses, stupid period. this is not the way you should do it. even a concern can be done in many ways. you seems like no interest to do any. you had shown to me. even you're home, you dont want to call me or even sms. think what you really wants. i dont want to end it. i want to change it for better. you think properly and let me know. dont make me wait till 12 nov

Friday, October 23, 2009

long updates =p @ Friday, October 23, 2009

good evening everyone.
how are you guys?
should be stress out with the exams right?
well, now is australia's exam period. so PEOPLE!! CHEER UP!! FIGHT FOR IT!
for me, i also felt stress, dont know why. bodyahce and headache everyday. (am i too old?)

blogging at working place is very exciting and yet abit de boring ler.
cause now, i cant wait for the supervisor come and catch me! HAHAHA!! crazy
so, what today im gonna blog about?
nothing, just my updates

this year is the most spendable life for me. and maybe for others that born on 88.
well, no matter how much i want to earn. the spending keep on increasing, i cant see anything increased in my room, where all my money went????
of course, on friends' presents and also food, drink and alittle bit of small things like makeups.

not only that, what this year had been change?? love life of course, got ups and downs. but everything gonna be alright. HOPEFULLY!!

uni life how was it? BORING!! but have most headache assignments in all times. i guess third year really cant play at all huh.

night life how was it? not bad in the beggining. is been awhile for me didnt go for clubbing, kinda miss it now. POPPY!!!!

family, never better than this before. silence, parents are fine with each other, no arguement, me and my brothers got chit chat and stuff. ya!! never better than this before is the best way to say it. how's fluffy?! LOL!! getting naughy day by day. all the updates of him can be seen @ FB. (yesterday bought 2 new shirt for him tim! one is mickey mouse wan. geng le.. LOL!! )

what else i miss out. AH!! friends. felt that friends are getting lesser day by day, maybe because working, study, and paktoh ad took lots of time, so doesnt update much with them. but at least those big functions day i got go ler. at least i try to. try to keep up with it.
hmmm..

i guess. my life is this much.
now all i need to worry is on the exam. try to force myself study. try to find people to group sutdy with me. lol, can you hear me? i wanna group study man!!

p/s im back with my bf ad. ^^